I decided the highlights of this holy week can be summed up in a few honest things.
1. Time with family
2. Quiet time
3. Time with Jesus
4. His Presence
5. His love for me
I’m not sure why I hadn’t felt this way before over Easter’s. But i believe the Lord’s ways of drawing me close is amazing. Timed perfectly, He woos, He gives, He teaches, and He Loves. I realised that of all the things that confused me about why He led me to Perth, especially how often there were detours, and maybe even unexpected turns in relationships, there was always this firm and fierce peace about this place we now grow to call home. Perhaps we had finally settled into our home, that He allowed my heart to search for that intimacy in a calm, beautiful lovely and pastoral sort of way. Church. Those who know me, know my heart to serve people. I never had a vision to serve in the four walls of a church, but into the marketplace – bringing that message into the world that doesn’t yet know His heart, just by being a disciple. Often it is lonely. Very actually. I haven’t a clue except when it feels like Him. And I move. This week I had several prophetic dreams. I call them prophetic for i wake up, in a blur but with a conviction I’m not even sure why (i can’t remember the dreams well, but i know the feelings) that a change of season has happened. And it will move fast. And so i will. But all i have to do is obey and be at that place when He calls me. Just Abide, in Faith and Trust. I have on my instagram page put out a simple call out for like-minded musicians for this jazz for Jesus project that had first been seeded in me 4 years ago at Easter’s. We were invited by a good brother in Christ, i will forever be grateful for, Daniel Purnomo, fingerstyle jazz guitarist to join him for a jazz trio lineup at 7kickstart Cafe. It was amazing, beyond what I was prepared for. I still feel the fire as I type.
When you have had even one hint of Heaven, one drop, one peek, one touch of His presence, you never ever ever settle for the world. Never. It answers every question no one ever could, because we were made for Love. To be Loved. To Love. Thank you Abba.
A week before I finally found the time (no gigs on a Sunday! yay!) and the right posture to come to Him in congregation, church. It had been hard. And i won’t go into that. But it may be the right time to say here, be led and in His timing. I was wrecked by His love. There was nothing that could take my eyes off Him. It felt like 2010 again. So this Easter weekend, after a friend’s invite to another church, i gave Him what i could offer as worship, nothing but my rags, but every bit of my song to Him. To Jesus. I am grateful.
I find it hard to pretend to be somber on Good Friday not because I don’t want to feel the price of the cross. I can’t watch Passion without 3 boxes of tissues. But I have never been a fan of melodrama. Our hearts should be in this posture of awkward balance at all times. Thanksgiving only came from His every wound and moment of humiliation, I never want to go by a day without this in mind. Much less partake in communion with a lesser understanding of why He gave His body and His blood. Pastor Bill Johnson once shared a story about how a pastor cried over spilt communion wine and swept everything up from the ground in tears in thankfulness of the realness of what Jesus had given up. His Everything. I never want to go by any day not understanding the pain of our Father in Heaven having to give up His son for anything, and yet, for us. I want to look at this awkward humbling posture everyday and realise that that is Love. Cross equals love. That is how much the Father loved us to want to be with us in all His holiness.
I had quiet time. Every introversion-leaning creative needs that on a regular basis. But to have that this weekend was different. I had Him on my mind. I pray to always be this way. Always.
I had time with my husband, whispering to magpie, our puppy birds at Gloucester Park near our old home, our first home in Perth. We spoke and laughed like friends watching the setting sun, and I told him my heart. He knows my prayers. I told him how I am grateful he is in my life. Through thick and thin, for not letting go. For trusting. For loving us. And we held hands to walk down King George again, that ‘loveliest spot in the whole of Vic Park’, where we had Smith’s chips last summer and watched the sun set until it was too cold and then we left.
Today is Resurrection Sunday, and after an amazing service with the beautiful sermon by Pastor Pamela, feeling full, powerful as God is, we drove to head to our usual errands, but instead, saw Tomato Lake Reserve, and had a seafood picnic by the lake. It was beautiful. How blessed are we?
I grow to give more as I grow older. And i pray for my heart to expand even when i have little. or littler. There’s no investment more worthwhile than that made in people. For all are children of God and I pray they come to know Him sooner. Much sooner, that they may have life and life more abundantly on this earth.
Thank you Jesus for loving us. There’s nothing deserving in me and yet you give us the credit for talents you have first given us. I pray to steer the resources you have blessed and continue to bless our families with, and to give freely, reach courageously, and love generously. Thank you for the Cross. I love you.
