Today the videos are completed.
I had been feeling the difficulty of moving on.
The same thing each time i try to move out of this inertia, this stale comfort, the familiarity,
the emotional plug goes, and i’m swung back to square one.
Except that this time, i know it’s for real.
Thank you dear friends for hearing the same words over and over for years, of me leaving, of me deciding to leave, of me attempting to leave.
There’s too much here that I love.
And so much that i treasure even more.
But you know it’s time to go, when your heart starts beating only when you’re away.
Each time walking away from work, i sit in my car, trying to breathe in those tears.
It’s hard to say goodbye.
I hate to say goodbye.
Hence, i lock myself away sometimes to be with Him, to not bore my friends with the same dilemmas,
the same fears. To focus on hope.
At the dungeon, my thoughts can flow.
And right now, i find the space and the calm to thank Ric Liu and Sam Nai for this important and final phase of this project i obeyed to see through since waiting for a friend at a train station in Sydney. All i had was another songlist i’d thought i’d abandon once again. But no, this time, i stared at the songs and right between Devonshire Rd and Chalmers Street, i was never gonna be singing these songs the same way again, because i was growing into a new season. And my heart looked at the light ahead of the tunnel and fluttered, but behind me, memories of the journey i’d made with friends, with lost ones, with loved ones,… these would always be a part of me and would never be sung the same way when and if i return from abroad.
My heart is too eager to get lost.
But do you know, when i hear a certain tune, smell a familiar fragrance, or am struck with a familiar combination of colours, shapes, textures,… I still feel my stomach churn instantaneously… it’s all very fresh and real.
Moving on, metamorphosis, is never an abandonment of yourself in fear, but an acceptance of the new things and changes that will come, and then to embrace them.
I wanna embrace the future with no expectations.
Whether music will be the medium for my expression of life and love anymore, nobody knows.
But I will love you well, dear friends.
